What if the Capitals lost Game 3 to Columbus: The Worst-Case Scenario

An underrated pivotal moment in Washington Capitals history was the Lars Eller goal in double overtime that kept the Capitals from falling behind three games to none in the opening round of the 2018 Stanley Cup playoffs. The Caps went on to win the next three games to knock off the Blue Jackets and didn’t look back on their way to winning the Stanley Cup. But what if they hadn’t gotten that puck luck and lost to Columbus instead? Earlier this month I wrote about a scenario where Washington bounced back and wound up as Cup champions a few years later. In this one, the Caps aren’t so fortunate.

Now, we are imagining a dystopian future. The Capitals have blown it up completely after losing to the Jackets, and this timeline is by far the worst-case scenario of what could've happened. To make matters worse, the country is in an all out war between me and the New York Rangers fans! Maybe I shouldn't have written all of those blog posts about how that team keeps making bad decisions. As they try to find my secret bunker you probably want to know what happened. I hope you have a minute...

2018 offseason

First, the Tampa Bay Lightning take advantage of Washington’s early exit to win the Stanley Cup. As soon as Tampa starts skating around with the trophy, the teardown begins in D.C. Braden Holtby is traded to Florida for a first round pick in 2019 and a third round pick in 2019. Without the Cup, Holtby was never going to last in Washington and Florida needs a goalie because James Riemer and Roberto Luongo aren’t working out.

Then Evegeny Kuznetsov gets traded to Arizona for Clayton Keller and Dylan Strome. Both have potential and have turned into solid players in the NHL today. Just not with the Caps! Keller never plays for the Caps because he is then flipped right away to Florida for Jared McCann and Denis Malgin. Both are young, which shows the league the team is rebuilding the roster and while Malgin doesn’t pan out in the NHL, McCann will.

John Carlson leaves as a free agent because the Caps don’t want to pay him. The Caps instead sign John Moore for 5 years, $13.75 million. Sure, the team gets worse, but at least it saves some money! They also re-sign Phillip Grubauer, and as a backup bring in Carter Hutton with a three-year contract at an average annual value of $2.75 million.

Barry Trotz is fired. Instead of hiring a coach with experience at taking teams to the next level, or at working with younger teams, general manager Brian MacLellan decides to go the no-experience-at-all route and hires Peter Bondra as head coach.

In the draft the Caps have the 18th pick. They decide to trade that pick, the 49th pick and Eller to the Canadiens for Jesperi Kotkaniemi, who had been the No. 3 pick in the previous year’s draft. I feel like we have seen Lars Eller in a trade with these two teams before. Most Washington fans are thrilled to get such a good prospect at that price, although there’s a nagging worry that there must be some reason the Habs gave up on him so early. Oh well. Their loss is Washington’s gain!

Here are your lines

Ovechkin Backstrom Wilson

Vrana McCann Oshie

Burakovsky Kotkaniemi Walker

Connolly Stephenson Smith-Pelly

Moore Orlov

Niskanen Djoos

Bowey Siegenthaler

Grubauer

Hutton

2018-19 Season

I know what you're thinking. "This team stinks and they are going to finish last." If it was lucky that would happen. But this team surprises everyone and stays competitive. It’s tough to finish in last place when you have Alex Ovechkin.

The Caps still trade for Carl Hagelin because they get excited at being in the race and think he is the missing piece. But MacLellan decides to not make any other trades. The Caps hang on the fringes of the playoff race most of the season only to wind up six points short.

The St. Louis Blues still win the Cup because they remain the team of destiny.

Bondra sees what is happening with this team and resigns as coach so he can keep his reputation as a Capitals legend intact. MacLellan doesn’t get to replace him, since he is fired as GM, which you would think in this timeline would be a good thing. Sadly, Mike Milbury is lured away from his TV gig to take his place. For head coach, Milbury hires Adam Oates, who he swears has turned over a new leaf since becoming a skills coach working with NHL players in the offseason and won’t be the disaster he was in his first stint as Capitals coach.

Ovechkin puts up 65 goals and 110 points to win the Hart Trophy as the NHL MVP trophy. Sounds great, right? But this is a worst-case scenario because of what everyone was saying about Ovechkin before he finally won his Cup. In this reality, Ovechkin is viewed as an elite goal scorer and great player in the regular season, but with no conference finals appearances he is considered a guy who can't get it done in the playoffs. Ovechkin hates this narrative and wants to prove that he can win a Cup, so he wants to go to a contender. He talks to Ted Leonsis about finding a new home. Leonsis gives in, so he is traded to the Edmonton Oilers in exchange for top Oiler prospects Jessie Puljujarvi and Kailer Yamamoto, plus the next 4 years of first round picks. Ovechkin may be gone, but the Caps must be in great shape with all these prospects and picks, right?

2019 offseason

Nick Backstrom is traded to the Blackhawks for Kirby Dach, another former No. 3 pick in the draft (after seeing what Kotkaniemi has done, what could possibly go wrong with that?). Also coming to Washington is Alex Nylander and a second round pick. Andre Burakovsky is traded to the Avalanche, much like actually happened in real life, and now Phillip Grubauer gets traded to the Wild for Kaapo Kähkönen and two second round picks. The Ovechkin and Backstrom trades make it look like a rebuild, but not so fast. This management group thinks the Caps are getting better as well as younger. For that reason, Jakub Vrana is traded with the Caps 2020 first-round pick for the Red Wings for Anthony Mantha (like in real-life, this trade remains stupid). Finally Matt Niskanen gets traded to the Coyotes for a 4th round pick (becomes nothing) and a 7th round pick (becomes nothing).

In the first round of the draft the Capitals select... Philip Broberg (who is still in the AHL), Spencer Knight ( a rare good pick), and then trade their own first round pick to the Stars for Denis Gurianov, a player everyone likes to try and turn into a superstar, without success.

Now let's look at the Caps major free agent signings:

Brando Tanev

Anton Stralman

Marcus Johanson

Michael Del Zotto

Henrik Lundqvist

Hockey analysts are confused, saying this makes no sense because the team is rebuilding, none of these guys are great, and they’re all taking spots away from younger players. But owner Ted Leonsis is reminding us all that he hates rebuilds and doesn’t have the patience to be an NHL joke for years and years. The fans also don’t have any patience waiting for a rebuild. Instead, they flock to Wizards NBA games and Maryland and Georgetown college basketball games, since in this future their luck turns great as the Caps fall further in the standings.

Oh I nearly forgot! Lundqvist is available because the Rangers are the winners of the Sergei Bobrovsky sweepstakes. It only costs New York seven years and $70 million. Lundqvist wanted to leave because he didn't like that the team signed Bobrovsky and in his eyes that showed a lack of trust. The Panthers can't get Bobrovsky, as they did in the world we live in, because they have Holtby. Plus the Rangers had just signed Artemi Panarin and would want his old teammate to make him happy. Good luck with that.

Here are your new lines:

Oshie McCann Wilson

Mantha Kotkaniemi Tanev

Puljujarvi Stephenson Hagelin

Johanson Strome Gurinov

Moore Orlov

Del Zotto Stralman

Djoos Siegenthaler

Lundqvist

Hutton

This seems like it won’t be very good, but let’s see how it turns out…

2019-20 season

I wish I could say this team was fun to watch but let's be real – it’s completely unwatchable. The only players who are fun to watch are Kotkaniemi, Mantha, Oshie, Wilson and Lundqvist. The defense is the worst in hockey. On a bright note T.J Oshie makes the All Star team.

In this reality the Tom Wilson incident brawl with the Rangers happens this season. The next game, the Rangers take matters into their own hands again and fail to even bruise Wilson, although they do set a post-2000 record for penalty minutes in a game. I then release a blog post about how the Rangers ruined a hockey game, and its owner James Dolan then attempts to have my blog taken down because I write mean things about his team. Then Dolan bans me from Madison Square Garden for life (sweet, I can join Charles Oakley on the banned list!).

But bizarrely, this seems to be the last straw for Caps management. Maybe the former players in the front office are jealous that his jersey sales are way higher than theirs. Wilson is traded to the Maple Leafs for Kasperi Kapanen, Adam Brooks and a third-round pick. Caps fans react with rage, chanting “FIRE MILBURY” at every home game. Well the “f’ word they use isn’t “fire,” but my cousins read this blog so I’m cleaning up the language.

Then we get to the year 2020. Covid-19 sadly shows up in this future as well and interrupts the NHL season, as well as everything else in life. The Caps are so bad that they don't get invited to the bubble. They finished last in the league! But on the bright side they win the draft lottery. It may be a horrible year but at least something good came of it. Oh wait, I forgot they can have no nice things in this reality. They’ve already traded their first to the Red Wings in the Mantha deal. If only this was the lowest point…

2020 offseason

The pandemic season is going to start without fans, which lowers revenues significantly. Also the Seattle Kraken expansion draft is coming soon. But the Caps decide to worry about that later.

First, Washington decides to clean house. Again. Hutton is traded to Buffalo for a fifth-round pick that winds up being nobody good, which is the usual outcome for fifth-round picks. Moore and a third-round pick are traded to the Blues for Sammy Blais, a young scrappy forward who is a good depth piece and fun to watch. Chandler Stephenson and a second-rounder are traded to the Red Wings for Filip Zadina, the former sixth-overall pick. Siegenthaler is traded to the Devils for a second and third (where have I seen this before?).

Ilya Samsonov and Dimitry Orlov are traded because Milbury doesn’t trust Russian players. It’s kind of a miracle they and Milbury lasted this long. They go to the Florida Panthers for Owen Tippett (a good young player who never becomes a regular starter as the Caps hoped), Riley Stillman (amounts to nothing) and a couple of seventh-round picks. Strome is then traded to the Blue Jackets for Josh Anderson, and Washington extends him for seven-year, $38.5 million. Then Denis Gurinov is traded to the Canadiens for Jesse Ylönen (a 18 year old who is still in college but doing really well in his freshman-year courses). Finally the Caps give up on Mantha and trade him to the Flames for Dillon Dube (a solid role player today) and a second round pick. Again, Caps fans wonder why Milbury still has a job.

The Capitals don't have the first overall pick but they do have the 22nd pick because the Oilers in this reality win the play-in round and then immediately lose to the Blues. They take Hendrix Lapierre with that pick. Here’s hoping that works out, since the Caps took him in real-life too.

In free agency the Caps sign

Andreas Athanasiou

Taylor Hall (He says he wants to play for a winner, but the problem is no winning teams want him)

Jimmy Vesey

Alex Galchenyuk

Zdeno Chara

Justin Schultz

Chris Tanev

And last but not least their big time acquisition is a man whose analytics show that he is a great player… Tony DeAngelo. The team is completely unprepared for the outrage from the fan base that the Caps signed such a controversial player. “Hey, we have to have someone play defense. That’s the rules,” Milbury says.

Because the Caps fans hate a rebuild, they have to sign whoever they can to field a competitive team.

Here are the lines

Oshie Kotkaniemi Hall

Athanasiou McCann Puljujarvi

Kapanen Dach Zadina

Tanev Galchenyuk Anderson

DeAngelo Stralman

Del Zotto Chara

Shultz Tanev

Lundqvist

Knight

It can't get worse... right!?

2020-2021 Season

I'll quickly get through the trade deadline. Hall is traded after his terrible season with the Caps (much like in real life) to the Bruins for Anders Bjork(still in AHL) and a 2021 second-round draft pick. The Caps also do Galchenyuk a solid by allowing him to continue his quest to play for every NHL team and sending him to the Lightning in exchange for a seventh round pick.

On the ice, the Caps are good but not great. They have the speed team with guys that don't run out of gas but it doesn't matter when they can't score. Right now, opposing teams say that "if Hagelin is on a breakaway... let him shoot." Imagine a team where you can say that about every player. Well, here you go.

The final blow will be made when Oshie walks into Leonsis’s office to ask to get traded only to find that Leonsis isn't there. Hours later, news breaks that Leonsis is looking to sell the team. He is tired of dealing with the pressure from the fans and has had enough of it. He wants them to stay in D.C but there are no real potential buyers. That is until one man saves the team. This man says he will keep the team in Washington no matter what. That man is named Daniel Snyder.

Uh oh.

2021 Off-season

Lundqvist retires and every Caps and Ranger fan comes together in harmony to celebrate a great career which lasts all of a day before they go to war about which jersey he will wear to his hall of fame ceremony. I write that he will be wearing both in my sports blog and the Rangers attempt to ban me from New York, but the Camp Echo crew comes to my defense and I’m allowed back in the state. Anyway, while those people were arguing the expansion draft was commencing.

Expansion draft protection list:

Kotkaniemi

McCann

Dach

Puljujarvi

Athanasiou

Lapierre

Brandon Tanev

Shultz

Tippett

Knight

The Caps lose the final piece when TJ Oshie is picked by Seattle. Now Snyder gets to work on doing what he does best... ruining franchises. McCann is traded to the Coyotes for a third and a fifth. Snyder gives Trevor Van Riemsdyk a 2 year contract with almost no money.

But Snyder does go all-in for Seth Jones. The trade sends Puljujarvi, Athanasiou and a first-round pick for him and Snyder then gives him a eight-year, $80 million extension. Then the Caps make an even bigger splash and trade their entire draft class of 2021 and a first in 2023 for Jack Eichel, Jeff Skinner and Tage Thompson. Eichel needs surgery on his neck and the Caps allow him to get the procedure he wants, but this time he missed one entire season, maybe more.

Those are the only real moves the Caps can make because now they have no cap space.

Here are the lines

Kapanen . Kotkaniemi Skinner

Dube Dach Anderson

Zadina Thompson Tanev

Yamamoto Lapierre Tippett

Jones Shultz

Tanev DeAngelo

Del Zotto. TVR

Knight

Kähkönen

2021-22 Season

With Snyder as the owner he has done everything possible to make it look like a competitive team, including firing Oates to hire John Tortorella, but the team still stinks. The Caps can't make any moves because they have no cap space and Snyder is at war with both the NFL and NHL, which argues that Snyder is unfit to be an owner (i know, shocking). So in an attempt to fight back, Snyder pulls the Capitals out of the NHL to protest and state that he is "making his own league.” Nobody else wants to join him.

So that's where we are. Most Caps fans have become Oilers fans because of Ovechkin. The season still goes as normal but the Oilers don't get swept by the Avalanche and instead lose in six games in the Western Conference finals. Ovechkin finally makes it out of the second round at least.

For those keeping track of all the moves that have been made during this period, the Caps have acquired two former No. 3 picks, a former No. 6 pick, five other first-round picks, many solid NHL players and a bunch of lottery tickets (picks in round 5-7) and yet they don’t make the playoffs. You'd think this team would be awesome, but one problem is that many hockey players are drafted as teenagers and scoring in the NHL isn’t as easy as scoring in juniors. Some players can make the transition and some can’t.

Also not helping is that the team was contsnaly making stupid trades (Mantha, Eichel and Jones trade) because those would work if the team was a contender. But it wasn’t, which means the team is both bad and capped out. This is how delusional teams keep themselves bad for years and years.

One more bright note I forgot to mention. Ranger fans also have a nightmare in this reality. Remember they signed Bobrovsky so guess who never comes to play in New York… Igor Shesterkin! Most of you are probably thinking I'm doing this to spite the Rangers. But with Bobrovsky in New York the Rangers would have no need for Shesterkin because he hadn’t yet played an NHL game. So the Rangers would let him walk in free agency and he would sign with the Wild.

Thanks for listening to this story. I am about to undo all of this with the time stone that I found under Fed Ex Field which was how the field passed all the safety tests despite being so bad. Washington quarterback Robert Griffin III actually tore his ACL tripping over the stone itself. Look it up.